‘Finding yourself’ is actually returning to yourself. An unlearning, an excavation, a remembering who you were before the world got its hands on you.” ~Emily McDowell
We exist in a world that molds us into the person that society tells us to be. From a young age, we are subjected to predetermined norms and societal pressures. We are flooded with messages dictating how we should look, what we should do, and who we should be. But here’s the truth: none of us were meant to fit into a box. We were all born incredibly unique human beings with our own set of dreams, desires, and talents. So the question is, who would we have become if we were raised to embrace our individuality, granted the freedom to think outside the box, and empowered to go after our dreams?
For me, I grew up believing that being me was unacceptable. I often wondered why life was always chucking curveballs directly at my face, one after another, and often in clusters. I formed this acceptance that, 'This is just how it is for me. I am not meant to have or feel love and true connection. Being happy just isn't in the cards for me. Don't get comfortable with this happy state cause something terrible is going to come and shatter it. I am not good enough. Pretty enough. Smart enough. Skinny enough. Talented enough. Being me is not enough.'
These thought patterns consumed me for the majority of my life. Deep down, I always knew the immense potential within me, the infinite love I had to give, and a profound knowing that I was meant to make influential strides. However, my external reality did not align with how I truly felt. The people and environments that were bestowed upon me, instilled those beliefs in my head and in such, prevented the opportunity to unlock that spark inside of me. I let those destructive thoughts take over and extinguish that fire within.
We were not born this way
The reality of the situation though is that none of us were born with these beliefs or insecurities. We entered this world with a sense of innate worthiness and a belief in our own perfection. We were free from the judgements and expectations that society imposes on us. We internalized the messages and influences surrounding us. We absorbed the opinions of others, societal standards, and the need for validation. We began to compare ourselves to others and question our own worthiness. Slowly but surely, these external factors have chipped away at our natural sense of self-acceptance and perfection.
My life was a battlefield. And it was ultimately me fighting against me. It was like two versions of myself would stand on my shoulders in a constant battle. One would urge me to go after what I really want and listen to my gut feelings and the other would scream back all the reasons why I would fail and the consequences that would arise if I tried. I never fully succumbed to either side. I constantly tried to reason with both and would try to compromise and find the 'best' way to give both some satisfaction. That of course was not sustainable to living a happy, fulfilling life and it definitely was not good enough for those around me that I was 'disappointing' even if I was trying to make everyone happy. I was not good enough for them and I was not being true to myself. Which just left everyone upset and displeased.
Who would we have become if we were raised to fully embrace and celebrate our authentic selves?
We may never know who we would have been given those circumstances. However, what we can do now is question who we are today. It is often easier to ignore our true selves and our genuine emotions and instead conform to societal expectations. It is not an easy task to go against society, family and cultural norms, to deal with the judgement and rejection, to overcome self-doubt and insecurity, to deal with our past traumas and conditioning, to step outside of the comfort zones, and the list could go on and on. It takes requires genuine strength and courage to engage in self-reflection, embrace vulnerability, and challenge our beliefs.
Trust me, I know. I struggled with all of that and then some. I slowly made strides to choosing the version of myself that I wanted to be. It has been an exhausting game of tug of war with both versions of me taking turns as the winner for varying lengths of time. However, I made those strides, sometimes big and sometimes small towards the real me. I finally became what everyone did not want me to be. The absolute most authentic version of myself. It wasn’t until about 3 years ago that I finally actually started the process of stripping away everything that was not truly me. That fake version of myself allowed experiences, traumas, and negative influences shape and define me. But as I started the process of unlearning everything that did not serve me and started rediscovering the person I was to my core, I was able to toss that fake version of me away. Don’t get me wrong, it still resurfaces from time to time. It will try to climb its way back up to my shoulder for that fighting chance. However, the constant battle has ceased because I finally accepted that I was the one standing in my own way. I realized that I have the power to rewrite my own narrative.
You Are The Key
One of the key aspects of self-discovery is recognizing that you are the key to your own success. Within you lies the power to create the life you desire. All the answers you need are already within yourself. It all comes down to a choice. Once you make that choice to embark on this journey, you empower yourself to take control of your destiny and unlock your true potential.
The power of self-discovery lies in its ability to empower you. When you truly know yourself down to the core, you gain clarity on your purpose and you want to take in life. That deep knowing becomes a compass guiding you through the choices and challenges that inevitably come you way.
Once I realized and accepted that, my entire life changed. I finally stopped allowing external factors influence how I chose my path. I stopped caring how prioritizing my best interest would affect others. I finally started putting myself and my needs first and started making decisions based on my own well-being. I stopped self deprecating, putting myself down, and beating myself up for things. For the first time, I finally started to show myself compassion and began reminders to be gentle with myself, to acknowledge my progress, and to embrace all aspects of my being.
The Power of Self-Discovery
I was completely unaware of the immense power that comes from choosing myself and starting a journey of self-discovery. As I reflect on how my life used to be and the way my mind operated, I am truly baffled.The version of myself that I used to be is unrecognizable, and it's hard to believe that I was once so harsh and unkind to myself. Throughout my journey, I have come to understand the importance of finding inner peace and how vital it is to protect that peace at all costs. Now, I make it a priority to safeguard my peace above everything else because I know that it holds far more value than trying to prove myself to others. The only person I need to prove myself to is me.
Self-discovery is not a journey with a fixed destination; it is an ongoing process that is not easy one and absolutely has it’s ups and downs. This path requires hard work, dedication, and courage but I assure you, the journey is more than worth it. The person you are at the core has always been there and has never changed. They have simply been buried, waiting to be rediscovered. Once you connect with your authentic self, then there is no limit to the possibilities you can create in your life. I hope you can find the courage that you, in fact, do hold within you to start this journey back to yourself. You deserve to live a life that brings you joy and fulfillment. You deserve to follow your heart and pursue your passions. You deserve to be seen, heard, and loved for who you truly are.
“Give up being perfect for being authentic. Be who you are. Love who you are. Others will too.” –Hal Elrod
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