“Recognizing that you are not where you want to be is a starting point to begin changing your life.” - Deborah Day
Did you know that research suggests that 91% of people who make New Year's resolutions don't follow through? I don't know about you but I am definitely guilty of being part of that percentage... It makes sense, the excitement of a New Year sparks motivation and inspiration. We set ambitious goals, visualize us carrying out these elaborate plans, and convince ourselves that this time will be different. But then somewhere along the way, as days and weeks go by, as that initial spark fizzles out, life gets in the way and those resolutions we once felt so strongly about slowly fade into the background.
But what if I told you there's a different approach that can break this cycle? Instead of making a laundry list of goals for yourself, what if you committed to the goal of self-discovery? By embarking on a journey of self-discovery, you can uncover the deep 'why's' behind your aspirations, which become an unwavering source of motivation and dedication.
When you commit to self-discovery, you delve deep into understanding who you truly are, your values, passions, and strengths. You uncover your authentic desires and the things that truly matter to you. This self-awareness becomes the driving force behind your goals, giving them a deeper meaning and purpose.
Imagine setting goals that are aligned with your true self, that resonate with your core values and passions. These goals become more than just items on a checklist; they become a reflection of who you are and what you want to achieve in life. With this newfound clarity and purpose, you'll find the motivation and determination to stay committed, even when life is throwing obstacles in your path.
As you become more in tune with your inner self, you begin to realize that you have the key to break free from the cycles that you have been caged in and that the ability to transform your story ultimately comes down to a conscious choice.
You don't know what you don't know..
For the longest time, I was completely unaware of the existence of a better path in life. Although I had a vague understanding of the existence of "self-help" resources, it never crossed my mind to seek them out. The world of personal development was completely foreign to me. My upbringing in a toxic environment subjected me to constant criticism and belittlement that led me to unknowingly normalize these experiences. I became accustomed to being surrounded by negativity and toxicity, trapped in a never-ending cycle of feeling unworthy. During the initial phase of my journey, I remember going through this phase of remorse as I became aware that there had been an entirely different path that I could have chosen all along. But my regret quickly turned into gratitude as I felt a wave of appreciation wash over me. I was incredibly thankful for being exposed to this knowledge that opened the doors to my journey of self-discovery, empowering me to transform my story and live life on my own terms.
I figured the New Year was the perfect opportunity to share the transformative techniques that enabled me to change the way my mind operates. These invaluable insights have opened my eyes to a world of possibilities and allowed me to perceive things with utmost clarity. As much as I feel the need to word vomit every little thing, I have narrowed these insights to 7 key points. We will be taking a deep dive into each of these in the future, but for now, think of this as a jumpstart to get you on your way. So without further ado...
1. Eliminate ALL negative self talk
This is absolutely number 1! This is the one thing that I have truly embodied and I will go down fighting like hell expressing the importance of this one. Full disclosure, this was the hardest thing for me to change, so believe me when I say I KNOW how difficult this is. But now that I have managed to cross over to the other side, it blows my mind that I was once so ruthless to myself. Words hold immense power and the words you use in relation to yourself have far more of an impact on your life than you may realize. 
Your subconscious mind does not comprehend the difference between good and bad or true and false, so it ultimately believes everything you tell it. So eliminate the self-deprecating comments even if it is meant as a joke. I definitely am still constantly laughing at myself but you will no hear me say negative things about myself. This takes significant effort time to correct this destructive behavior so start by becoming aware the second those words form.Then, immediately replace and affirm five things that are more positive or at the very least, neutral. I understand that you may believe some of this negative self talk and this may not completely change how feel about yourself, but this is the first step to allowing yourself to make those changes to those feelings and beliefs. This was by far the most influential change I made for myself.
2. Set Boundaries
Define for yourself what you want and don't want and what is acceptable and what is not in your life, across all areas. Then set those boundaries for yourself and treat them as bridges to allow only what you want to cross over into your life. Please learn that you should 1000% prioritize your well-being and is is okay to say no to things that don't align with your wants and needs. Protect your energy. Protect your peace.
3. Eliminate Toxicity
Toxic environments and people may not always be avoidable, but it is vital to take steps to remove as much toxicity from your life as possible. Surrounding yourself with negativity and toxic influences can significantly affect your mental health and hinder your personal growth. Pay attention to how certain people or situations make you feel. If you constantly feel drained, anxious, or unhappy after interacting with someone or being in a particular environment, it may be a sign of toxicity. Set those boundaries we talked about with people who consistently bring negativity into your life. This can involve limiting contact, distancing yourself, or even cutting ties if necessary. Remember, your well-being should always come first, and it's okay to prioritize your mental and emotional health by removing toxic individuals from your life. You should never feel guilty about making decisions that are best for you.
Removing toxicity from your life is not always easy, and it may require some difficult decisions. However, by doing so, you pave the way to a positive and healthy environment for you to thrive in. Please know, you deserve to be surrounded by people and environments that uplift and inspire you, and by taking steps to eliminate toxicity, you are creating space for personal growth and fulfillment.
4. Practice Self-Care
Repeat after me. Self-care is NOT selfish. It is actually extremely necessary for your overall well-being and happiness. In a world that often glorifies busyness and puts an emphasis on productivity, it's easy to neglect our own needs and prioritize others. However, taking care of yourself is not only essential, but it also allows you to show up as the best version of yourself for others.
Self-care is about nourishing your mind, body, and soul. Take the time to engage in activities that bring you joy, relaxation, and rejuvenation. This will look different for everyone. It could be as simple as taking a long bath, reading a book, doing activities you that bring you joy, or practicing mindfulness and meditation. It could also mean seeking professional help when needed, whether it's therapy or coaching. Or even support from a friend. Supporting seeking help is an important aspect of self-care. I firmly believe that everyone can benefit from therapy, having a coach, and having a support system of friends. In fact, I personally attend therapy sessions every week and work with multiple coaches. It's essential to normalize the idea that seeking help and support is not something to be ashamed of, but rather a powerful form of self-care. After all, even therapists have their own therapists, and coaches have their own coaches. Embracing the fact that we all need assistance and support allows us to prioritize our well-being and create space for personal growth and fulfillment.
It's important to find what works for you and make it a non-negotiable part of your routine. Self-care is not a luxury, it's a necessity. Again with the boundaries, self-care means making your well-being a priority and saying no to things that drain your energy.
Never allow anyone to make you feel guilty for prioritizing your self-care. Think of it this way: when you take care of yourself, you are essentially charging your battery. This allows you to have the energy and capacity to give to others. On the other hand, if you neglect your own needs and fail to recharge, you'll eventually find yourself running on empty, unable to support anyone else, and struggling to keep going.
Continuing with the battery analogy, removing toxic people and environments drains your battery, while surrounding yourself with positive influences acts as a charging station, replenishing your energy and allowing you to be at your best. So.. in reality, it actually seems like neglecting self-care is the selfish choice...🤔
5. Surround yourself with positive influences
The number one fundamental human need is connection and belonging. No matter what, people need people! As Jim Rohn famously said, "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." This is because the individuals you choose to surround yourself with have a profound impact on your thoughts, words, actions, and ultimately, your identity. They shape the course of your life and influence the decisions you make on a daily basis. So make sure you are deliberately inviting people in your life that bring substance, positivity, and support who inspire and nurture your growth. Seek out like-minded individuals, cultivate genuine friendships, find mentors, become part of communities, or join online groups that align with your values and interests. When you are surrounded by positive influences, you'll feel compelled to level up and become the best version of yourself.
6. Practice gratitude
It took me some time to fully adapt to this concept.I was trapped in a bad, dark for so long that I never really took the time to look at all the things there are in this life to be grateful for. I underwent a complete shift in perspective that allowed me to genuinely recognize and value everything I have. There is an infinite amount of things you can be grateful for but ultimately, it's a matter of choice. You must choose to take your surroundings and see what you can be grateful for.
Every morning you can start by being grateful for waking up. There are roughly 150,000 people who did not have that same opportunity, and you are fortunate to not be among them. If you are reading this, you have internet access and a computer or phone that is absolutely something to show gratitude towards. Also, for most of you reading, you have clean water to drink anytime you please and bathe in everyday, you have food to eat and a roof over your head.The list goes on and on, but I think you get the picture. When was the last time you thought about those things and how much of a blessing that is? How often do you actively express gratitude for the things that you have? I never used to do this and I definitely took everything for granted because my focus was consumed by the negative aspects of my life.
I have had the privilege of receiving coaching from Tony Robbins, and one of the powerful messages he always emphasizes is, "Where focus goes, energy flows." There is immense truth to this statement. Start to realize that what you focus on, you will get more of. If you focus on the bad, the negative, the lack, that is what you will get even more of. When you focus on the good, the positive, the abundance, what happens? You get even more of it that comes into your life. So start to give more of your energy to positive things and start to pay attention and think about the abundance in your life. Take the time to be attentive and really feel the abundance and appreciation and see what may unfold for you
So, I encourage you to channel your energy towards the positive aspects of life. Take a moment to contemplate the abundance that surrounds you and truly appreciate it. Allow yourself to be present and fully experience the feelings of abundance and gratitude. By consciously directing your energy towards positivity and acknowledging the blessings in your life, you may be amazed at the incredible transformations that unfold before you.
7. Mindfulness and Self-Reflection
How aware are you of your thoughts, emotions, and sensations in present moments? Do you often find yourself lost in the past or worrying about the future, while neglecting the present moment? It's a common experience for many of us. Our mind and body are naturally inclined to act separately, with our thoughts often wandering off into different directions.
But it is important to consciously bring our minds back to our bodies so we can truly experience the present moment. Mindfulness is not just a trendy buzzword; it's a powerful practice that can transform your life. It is a kind of energy that we generate when we bring our mind back to our body and we consciously choose to be fully present, aware of what is going on within us and around us.
When we practice mindfulness, we have the power to truly reflect on and observe our thoughts and emotions, rather than allowing them to control us. It's understandable that many people are afraid to be alone with their thoughts, as it can be uncomfortable to face what may arise. It seems like it feels better and is easier to neglect and avoid than deal with them. However, it is so important to realize that embracing the uncomfortableness of facing your thoughts and emotions is what will set you free and create space for peace and clarity.
Awareness is everything. We must be aware before we can make any changes, so we cant make any changes if we are avoiding thoughts and emotions. So often we are not consciously aware that we are doing this. Our mind runs on autopilot the majority of the time which allows our thoughts free reign. We rarely stop to become aware of what and how we are actually feeling. Our subconscious is the sneaky one that holds the control unless we are proactive. By actively stopping and reflecting, we gain a deeper understanding of ourselves, our reactions, and can begin the healing process. This self-reflection allows us to navigate through life with intention and purpose, leading to personal growth and fulfillment.
Justin Baldoni is the author of 'Man Enough' and is one of my absolute favorite books. I highly recommend everyone read it. I was hesitant because the book seems like it would be directed towards men given the title and the fact that it is written by a man. But I knew this author because he is one of my favorite tv characters. If there are any Jane the Virgin fans reading this, he is Rafael Solano haha. Since I heard such great things and I was familiar with his voice, I decided to listen to the audiobook in which he narrates. It is absolutely not a book for just men and it is most definitely for everyone. I am baffled by the vulnerability of this man and his raw, pure openness to the world is truly the most inspiring thing. Yes, I definitely cried throughout basically the entirety of the book...
🗝️ Unlock Your Spark, Transform Your Story 💫
This powerful and inspiring slogan captures the essence of what Unleash YOUnique is all about. Unlocking your spark is just the beginning. The real magic happens when you use that spark to transform your story. Our stories are not set in stone; they are continuously evolving narratives that we have the power to shape and redefine.
These 7 key insights are just some initial steps you can start to put into action that in itself will produce substantial changes. However, there is an incredible amount of depth to go into in regards to self-discovery; it was difficult to compress even just that in this blog. Self-Discovery coaching is what I chose because I believe that to be the most important and impactful work to be done. All things lead back to self. So by doing the inner work, discovering your true self, and embodying all the immense potential you have within you is the most best, most empowering gift you can give yourself.
When we make the choice to embark on a self-discovery journey as our New Year's resolution, we are opening ourselves up to a world full of endless possibilities. It goes beyond simply setting goals and achieving them; it's about fully embracing the process and the growth that comes along the way. It's about giving ourselves room for mistakes, learning valuable lessons from them, and extending grace and compassion to ourselves in moments of doubt or setback. That's why even if these 7 changes seem difficult to implement, this journey is not about achieving a particular goal by a deadline but about making strides (even if just by 1%) towards your authentic self. This is the year we can make a choice and approach our resolutions with more grace and love. self-discovery is an ongoing process, and it's never too late to start or make adjustments.
As we are about to enter the third week of January of this new year, I am curious to know about how your 2024 has been going thus far. So, whether you have been diligently keeping up with your New Year's resolutions or have started to slow down and need a boost, I would love to hear about your journey. Share your experiences, challenges, and successes. Let's support each other in this journey of self-discovery and growth!
If any of this resonated with you and would like explore self-discovery further, I invite you to check out my free self-discovery workbook where you will find 13 pages of insightful exercises and reflections designed to set you on a path towards self-awareness and fulfillment 👉🏻
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